Swordfish
by MidnightHeir
Summary: Because real- life doesn't always have happy endings. When one of his son's leaves the lair, and his family behind how will those left behind cope? Can they survive? POV chapters will follow the prologue.
1. Sick & Tired

_**Swordfish**_

**_Disclaimer –_** Don't own the TMNT, don't expect I'm goingto in this lifetimeeither. Don't own the lyrics to Sick & Tired either, though I wish I owned a lil of Anastacia's talent …. And finally, though I do own a copy of the _**FANTASTIC**_ Swordfish, I don't own the rights to it.

**_A.N -_** Alright, this is something of an alternate ending to a work in progress (Friend or Foe), but italso counts as a stand alone piece. I don't do much peeking around on the web (so I don't know if this has been done before, and done better) but I've always wondered how the family unit would cope if one of their number actually left. Just upped, packed their bags and poofed!After the prologue Leonardo isn't going to get much air time until I have dealt with his brothers and Splinter. I am going to be honing my skills/taking my chances at writing from the 1st person for his brothers andthe ol'rat. So, reviews for this are going to be really important to me ... if I get something wrong I'd really like to know. Thanks in advance.

As always, lyrics can be found in italics and brackets. Private thoughts in italics

---

**_Prologue - Sick & Tired_**

_(My love is on the line, My love is on the line, My love is on the line, My love is on the line …)_

A family meeting. Four brothers, one Sensei gathered around a kitchen table that is about three sizes too small, where open forum is set and anything goes. Except potty mouth, so I'm usually pretty damn quiet at these babies. I hate those two words though, 'family meeting'; that always sounds so damn serious. Sure the last few weeks were stressful as Hell but we made it out the other side in one piece right? At least that is what I thought until that evening. Leo had called for it so I was guessing that he was ready to take up his leadership responsibilities full time again.

I guessed wrong.

---

**_Twenty minutes before the meeting is due to start ..._**

_(A little late for all the things you didn't say, I'm not sad for you)  
_

The eldest turtle stood in his room, the wooden door firmly closed behind him and the chair placed beneath the door handle, perpendicular to the floor, a deliberately added feature. Whilst he sorted through his books and decided the difference between what he wanted to take, and what he needed to pack Leonardo didn't want any distractions. No one knew that he was leaving, that was the purpose of the meeting this evening. In the background his music played softly, the gentle strings of harps and violins filtering into the room, successfully hiding his strained breathing. It was a hard task, since the age of five he had been keeping a journal, and had no particular desire to leave them behind after he had gone. Picking up a pile ofthe stackedold bookshe flicked through the brightly coloured pages with childish scrawl on one last time, before slowly putting them down onto his bed.

(_But I'm sad for all the time I had to waste, 'Cause I learned the truth)  
_

Disturbing the old pages had causedthe release of something he had forgotten he had. Floating through the air to land at his feet was a single, slightly tornphotograph. Picking it up Leonardo stared at the frozen moment in time. Four young turtles, barely nine years old, gathered in the dojo brandishing their weapons and posing for the camera. A small, fond smile passed over his face, even back then Mikey had had the largest manic grin and an active sense of humour, yanking his nunchakas across Raph's throat in a mock throttle. Donny had opted for a calmer pose, _Steady and reliable as a river in full tide _choosing to lean on his first bo, one arm wrapped around his eldest brother's shoulders. But the signs had been present even back then, whilst everyone else grinned or goofed off, Raph merely scowled.

_(Your heart is in a place I no longer wanna be)  
_

Placing the photograph down onto the bedspread, Leo left the books to one side. They could wait, perhaps if he focussed on what he would need, clothing and money he could pick up his journals later, when he knew how much space he had left. Outside the closed door came the muted sounds of Michelangelo goofing around with Raphael. A small smile spread on his face, despite the grim realisation that was chewing away his soul he couldn't help but chuckle when Mikey screamed at Raph to get off him.

_(I knew there'd come a day I'd set you free)_

Well, the bag was almost full, three coats, two sets of shoes and his weapons. At some point Donny had joined the commotion that was going on just outside his door and it sounded as if a game of 'Stay Away From Mikey' had ensued. Two, sad, tired eyes looked up to the barely illuminated wood at the end of his bed. "Why Raph?" he whispered to the scented air.

_('Cause I'm sick and tired, Of always being sick and tired)_

Pulling the zip closed on the small black holdall that lay on his bed he looked at the fedora coat that lay drapedat the end of it, and the accompanying blackhat that at some point in the evening had fallen onto the floor. Picking them up he pulled the material of the coatthrough the handles of the bag, before placing his hat on top of it. Now to do just one final sweep of his room …

(_Your love isn't fair, You live in a world where you didn't listen)_

The family photograph that laid on the bedspread immediately caught his eyes. Picking it up he winced at the angry scowl, and sulky expression that characterised Raph so well before placing it back inside the pages of the nearest journal. Every year he had collected a family photograph to match the temperment of his journal, surely one of them would have a picture of Raphael smiling, and Master Splinter present.

_(And you didn't care)_

Book after book turned up a scowling angry face in various stages of disgust. Sinking down onto the bedspread Leonardo narrowed it down to two photographs, one of them at age 12 when they had finally received their first real weapons, the other a birthday celebration for Master Splinter. Raphael wasn't present in it, he held the camera, his squinting face captured in the reflective glare of the TV if he stared at it hard enough.

_(So I'm floating, I'm floating on air, I'm on air_)

Unable to decide he took them both, slipping them into the outer pocket of the bag and pulling the zip closed over them. Turning back to the burning candle he blew it out, switched off his music and went to the door. Removing the chair he placed it at the foot of the bed, the numerous rejected family photographs left strewn over the floor as he pulled the door to, took a deep breath to prepare himself for what would come, and then began to make his way to the kitchen. One fearful step at a time.

_(No warning of such a sad song, Of broken hearts)_

It occurred to him that his brothers must have noticed his journey, the sounds of wrestling, and shouts of mercy faded out as he entered the smallest room of the lair. Three curious brothers followed him quickly in to join him and the already waiting rat.

---

"Yo'what?!" All of his brother's hadn't quite believed his muttered words but predictably it had been Raph to speak up first.

_(My dreams of fairy tales and fantasy, oh, Were torn apart)  
_

"I'm leaving Raph." Leonardo repeated wearily, his eyes came up to meet the furiously burning fires that bore into him.

"Where?" Donny asked, his expression was the one that Leonardo couldn't look at for more than a few seconds at a time. Beneath the shock and open curiosity were lines of betrayal and genuine hurt. His eyes flickered from Leonardo's face to the small black holdall and brown coat that was draped over it, the hat that completed the outfit was resting on his brother lap, the tips of the material being played with repeatedly. "For how long?!"

"I'm going to stay with April for two days."he explained softly"After that, I don't honestly know."

"What about your responsibilities Leonardo?" Splinter asked, his black eyes searching his son's face for some sort of hint as to what had brought about such a rash decision. The longer he searched his eldest's face the more Splinter realised how much thought had indeed been put into this decision.

_(Oh … I lost my peace of mind, Somewhere along the way)  
_

"I'll avenge anything that happens to you Master Splinter. And I'll still fight at your side." Leonardo's attention shifted from his Sensei's face and to those of his brothers. Raph was quietly boiling beneath the surface, his angry expression cutting deep into him, Donny's face was becoming more and more stoic, his hands grasping the side of the table as he continued to let out deep breaths through his teeth. But it was Mikey's hurt, almost lost expression that bothered him the most. He had forgotten how childlike Mikey could be sometimes. "I just can't live here. Not right now."

"Why?" Donatello beat Raphael to the punch on that one, his icy delivery painful to acknowledge. "Why can't you stay?"

The silence in the lair was oppressive whilst they waited to hear his reply. Finally as the sound of the ticking clock started to fill the room he looked up to whisper, "Raphael."

_(I knew there's come a time, You'd hear me say) _

Raphael's audible scoff filled the room, "God Leo, for a second I thought yo'were bein' serious. I don't wanta keep ya poxy leadersh!t. It's yo's t'have …"

_(I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired)_

Raph paused, his animated tirade had yet to be stopped by Leo, and that in itself was strange. "What I done?" he demanded in a smaller less aggressive tone, his concern for his brother growing when he saw the passiveness on his brother's face. When he realised it wasn't going to shiftfear began to creep over him.

(_Your love isn't fair, You live in a world where you didn't listen)_

"Nothing." Leonardo whispered quietly.

"Well, I gotta done so'ethin' Leo. Mr Responsibility's hardly gonna jus' get up sticksan' quit ov'r **nothin' **is he?"

He just wanted to leave, sullen eyes stared intently at the patterns in the salvaged table before he finally spoke up. "I'm tired Raph," his eyes flickered up from the furniture to his brother's face. "I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired." Admitting the truth was emotionally draining Leonardo even more than facing and realisinghis own feelings for his wayward brother had been. A small smirk came to his lips as he quietly wondered why he hadn't simply ran away in the middle of the night, his eyes flickered away from the angry, demanding eyes to the wooden table as his mind quietly answered his rhetorical question. _Because this is the responsible thing to do_

Sensing the need to say something, Mikey finely contributed to the meeting."Raph doesn't hate ya Leo if thats whats botherin' ya. The teasin'. It … it's justa bita fun is all …" he paused as his voice cracked slightly"W- we can stop." The fact that his baby brother sounded so shaken as opposed to angry or hurt struck a cord with Leo, bringing his eyes up he gave his brother a weak smile of comfort.

"It's not the pranks Mikey," he paused before continuing in a small voice, "Not entirely. It's …" his eyes moved from Mikey back to Raph, the familiar barely restrained anger present on every feature of his face.

_(And you didn't care)_

"It's just that I am _this_ …" he brought his hand up, his finger and thumb barely separated as he demonstrated how close he was, "close to …"

"I don't hate yo'Le-O" Raph snapped,finally relinquishing some ground under Mikey's hopeful stare across the table. His arms folding across his chest in clear defense of his statement. However cutting his brother off only served in Leonardo rightsnapping back, the emotions he kept so carefully in check briefly on display for his entire family to see.

"Well I'm damn close to hating you!" Leaning over the table he stared at his brother, his hands grasping tightly the hat he would wear when he finally left. In the room a deathly silence flooded the room, settling into the atmosphere and touching everything with its icy viscious grip. "And I'm even closer to not giving a damn about what happens next." He added leaning back and re-taking his seat, his shoulders shaking with pent up emotions that slowly dispersed into the silent atmosphere.

_(So I'm floating, I'm floating on air)_

"Fine! Listen, yo'stay an' I'll go! I can bum more than a coupla nights offa Casey!"

_(Your love isn't fair, I said you live in a world where you didn't listen)_

"You're not listening Raph! This isn't about you; for once this is about _me_. I've taken your tantrums with as much good grace as I could muster for as long as I can remember. You have _never_ got on Mikey or Don's back as much as you've gotten on mine. Maybe that is just your idea of showing you care … I don't know anymore, and to be quite frank I don't think I care anymore either… but I _do_ know that I can't take much more of this…"

_(And you didn't care)_

"Wh- why didn'tcha say so'ethin?" never in his life had Leonardo managed to shut his brother down so effectively, but then never before in his life had he said so much in the heat of the moment.

"I thought I'd handle it." An emotional detachment was beginning to descend on those gathered, for the first time in a long time Leonardo watched the fire in Raphael's eyes go out, and it sickened him that he felt practically nothing towards seeing his brother's effective defeat.

"I'd feel happier if you would stay here Leonardo. Perhaps there may be a method of repairing this damage before it becomes irreparable."

Leonardo shook his head slowly, "Please respect my wishes and let me go Master Splinter."

_(So I'm floating, I'm floating on air)_

"If that is what you feel is necessary." The old rat's voice maintained its steady tempo and warmth, his old eyes searching for something recognisable in his departing son's face. All he saw was sadnessand shock, coupled with a deep emotional pain that he felt deep within his own soul. Nevertheless he continued, "There is always a space at my table for you my Son."

(_My love is on the line, My love is on the line, My love is on the line, My love is on the line, My love is on the line)_

The need to repeat his apology came from his mouth time after time as he looked at his brother's faces during his departure. Donny's face had lost all traces of emotion as he had watched on wordlessly the verbal war that had been waged. Raph remained stunned, his eyes giving Leonardo's face close scrutiny as if searching for some sort of hint that he would start laughing and telling him it was all one large, elaborate prank. But at the same time in his heart and soul Raphael knew that it was not. But it was Mikey's face that left the biggest impression on the former leader's heart. His silence held testament to the tears that pricked in his eyes, and the thumb that was stuck firmly between his teeth. He had just witnessed his family fall apart around his ears, and there was nothing he could do to make it better.

Reaching out, Leonardo gave his youngest brother a small squeeze on his upper arm. "It'll be alright Mikey …" he promised softly, before withdrawing his hand and pulling his hat firmly onto his head. Leaving the kitchen table he picked up the black bag and coat, sliding into the oversized sleeves and pulling up the zip in less than thirty seconds, the sound of metal teeth biting into metal teeth filling the kitchen. Shouldering his bag, he didn't dare look back at the remaining family members; instead he took a deep breath to steady his nerves, and walked towards the door.

"Look Leo …" Raph's voice echoed through the eerily quiet lair, his call originating from the kitchen, and holding a tiny pleading undernote. It was the closest that Raphael would ever come to begging in his life. "Don't go …"

He got no response.

(_Your love isn't fair, you live in a world where you didn't listen, And you didn't care)_

"Ya comin' back, right?"

_(So I'm floating, I'm floating on air)_

Pausing at the brink of the sewer Leonardo turned back to Mikey's quiet question, and pleading look. The young turtle had been the only one to leave the kitchen to see him off, or perhaps to see it through. Offering his brother a small smile he said nothing, the growing lump in the back of his throat and growing sense of guilt that accompanied it things he had not been expecting to creep up and engulf him.

"Please say ya comin' back Leo?" Mikey repeated quietly. "Please … say somethin'!" the tears that threatened to fall came with his final plea, soaking the orange material and messing up his cheeks. Biting down onto his lower lip the youngest turtle watched his older brother turn and melt soundlessly into the shadows of the sewer quite possibly for the last time.

_(I'm floating … I'm floating on air)_

From the inky darkness aguilty, quiet apology finally echoed back.

-----

_And that is it ... I think the next chapter will be Donny ... to those that review, thanks!_


	2. Three Hours

**__**

**_A.N – _**Here's Donny, to anyone who reads/reviews please let me know if he 'sounds' right. It's his 'running thoughts', if they get lost please let me know. Also, if you think it would work better in 3rd person say so! Thanks.

**_Time Since Departure;_** _3hrs 52mins 08secs …_

Well, that isn't the sort of conversation you expect to have over dinner is it? Of all the things I was expecting to hear, that was most definitely not it. In fact it was the sort of thing that you would expect to come from Raph. How he managed to just sit there, say that and then get up and leave with scarcely a care in the world, I'll never know. Leonardo was always the dependable one, sure Raph is loyal; suicidally so if I am perfectly honest, but I always thought you knew where you stood when it came to Leo. Goes to show what a brilliant brother I turned out to be doesn't it?

Master Splinter has been encouraging us to acknowledge our real feelings. Do you want to know what I'm really feeling right now? Other than numb, I'm angry, I never thought I could get this angry at anyone or anything … but right now I'm furious. Leo and I were meant to be close. Close? know that's rich coming from me now, sitting here, beavering away in order to distract myself from everything. Hey, guess what we were so close he couldn't even tell me what was going on inside his head. I thought I was his confidant. And he couldn't duck out of practice just once to say _'Don …can we have a word? _or_ 'Donny I need to say something'_ He couldn't even ask for help. What did he think I'd do? Get upset? Because if he did, he's succeeded in getting that reaction now. I never thought I would think of Leo as insensitive or cold but my opinion is rapidly changing. It was so perfectly planned, so incredibly methodical the way he came into the kitchen, with everything pre-packed, solely to say those two little words, _"I'm leaving."_ I'm leaving? Packed up and ready to go? Why? Where? He didn't even have all the answers, let alone a worthwhile explanation. I've never known Leo not to have everything planned out to some extent. Sure he would turn to me to fill in the gaps, but he always knew what it was he wanted. In some ways it's scaring me to think on how lost he has become.

Maybe he is using Raphael as an excuse, he was so determined to leave and be damned to the rest of us after all. I have to admit that when we saw him crossing the lair we all thought he was going to … God, I've not even spoken to Raph or Mikey yet. I don't even know what they are doing, I left the kitchen before Raph did and came straight into my lab. I don't know much about what is happening around me right now, but I am pretty certain that he is responsible for making Mikey cry. I've got the radio on, my tools out and I'm trying to get his … well, I'm trying to focus on my work, but I can still hear him sobbing quietly in his room. I hope someone goes through to see him soon. Looking after Mikey tends to be Raph's territory, and if I am perfectly honest that is pretty funny to think about. But right now? Right now, I think Raph has gone out, though he might be with Splinter, talking or being calmed down.

I hate this. I hate this sense of loss; and no one has died. I hate the fact that there is no easy way to fix this. Most of all I hate not knowing what to do next, I can still hear crying coming through the walls, and I don't even know if someone has gone through yet. I hate the fact that Raph is being quiet, Leo has been trying to shut Raph up for years and I've never known Raph to do anything unless he wants to. In fact I've never Raph to be quiet; I swear he was a breath away from going after Leo and begging him to stay earlier. I don't even know if he has gone out, maybe he tried and Master Splinter made him come back? Maybe … but oh, I don't know. I know I hate not knowing the answers, so that is a start isn't it?

But do you want to know what the worst part is? If he walked back through that door _right now_ apologising, even if it was to sneak back in to inform me that it was a prank … that he is _just_ pranking Raph or something, I don't think I could forgive him. He said he was leaving because he couldn't face the possibility of growing to hate Raph, he told us he wouldn't be able to live with himself if that came to be the case. But what about me? I hate the fact that thanks to our 'fearless leader' I'm filling up inside with hate … in fact right now I'm not sure I even want him to come back. And I think it is that that I hate the most.

God … I'm hating an awful lot right now, maybe it will get better. Maybe.

--

Mikey is still crying, so I pack away my tools, pick up his console and go through. It's taken me all night to do this, but perhaps it will put a smile back on his face. It's worth a try isn't it?


End file.
